So let's start with C12H22011 – that's sugar to you – and my early addiction to Sugar Puffs before moving on to cigarettes.
And that conceit – seeing as conceit begins with a c – shall be to start all chapter headings with a c. So on with the motley!Īllow me another little divertissement, a circumlocution if you will, for my attention span is so short – another loathesome part of my personality – that I shall never get through this book without a conceit to amuse myself. Ha! I see you are still with me and that my Stephen patter – how I hate myself for doing it! – of appearing to offer intimate self-revelation while giving away very little is working well. Indeed I too would loathe a writer who mentioned a superscribed obelus in the opening pages, so we're not getting off to the best of starts nor, I suspect, will you enjoy the fact that I am so gushing about almost everyone I have met, yet the truth is my showbiz friends – are there any others? – are all just so darling and talented that the meagre baubles of entertainment – mutatis mutandis – I have to offer are as nothing in comparison.Īt this point I should really invite you to put down the book for being as unworthy of your time as it was of mine, but silly, silly Stephen is such a needy person I fear I should crumble if just one of you were to take up my offer, for I am certain that without everyone's attention I should cease to exist. I know, too, that I really ought to have pruned, pared and extirpated the text, but I regret that I am the sort of person who cannot resist using 100 words where one would do – a habit that can make me look like a terribly smug know-all. I shall try not to refer back to my previous autobiography, but if at times I digress back to those years I shall append a superscribed obelus to the text, so you know you are free to skip that section. We shall both have to make do with me as I am.
I really wish I could stop myself saying sorry, but I have such a pitiful need to be liked – a trait I hate in myself every bit as much as I am sure you do too – that I can't.
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